So I Don't Have A Heart?
by water-foxx
Summary: Just a fic with my Nobody OC, Calyxea... and her life in the Organisation. Incomplete at this stage. Sorry about this first part being a little long...


A/N: So, this is my first fan-fic for Kingdom Hearts... I apologize in advance because most of the characters will no doubt be more than a little OOC.

Reviews, of course, are very welcome. I'll upload the rest at a later date, but for now here's the first part of it.

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><p>"No Axel. Now get that chakram outta my face before I throw it out the window."<br>Every morning it was the same thing: Axel would try his best to make me mad… and the bastard would succeed most of the time, since he was so damn infuriating. This morning he was trying extra hard, for some unknown reason.  
>"But Calyxea, you'd get in trouble with the Superior again. Remember last time?" he insisted. I smiled at the memory; of course I remembered it. I'd broken Axel's arms when he grabbed me from behind – he was trying to be funny – and I'd had to sort through piles of dusty books for a week as punishment. "And I would be perfectly willing to break something again if you keep at it," I growled, gritting my teeth as Axel poked me with one of his chakrams again. I darted forward and pulled it from his grasp – ignoring the burn I received on my palm – and did exactly as I promised.<br>I threw it straight out the window, using my power to seal the glass together just as Demyx entered the room, Sitar in hand. Axel's jaw dropped as he rushed to the window, staring out at the ground. Demyx sat in the chair opposite me and swallowed. "Bad time?"  
>"Uh huh."<br>"I won't ask then."  
>"Thanks Dem."<br>Just another ordinary morning in the Caste That Never Was. 

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><p>So, as you can guess, I did get in a little trouble for that episode. It would've been worse if I couldn't fix the window, but as it was I only had to go on Recon missions with Xigbar, which in reality probably wasn't all that bad. It was better than having to help Marly with the gardening again… ugh. That guy needs serious help. It can't be natural to love flowers that much, but who am I to judge? After all, I <em>would<em> collect sharp, pointy things if I was allowed.  
>But anyway… once the Recon was all finished I was supposed to take the mission report to Saix, Number VII in the Organisation. Now, anyone else would be terrified – or at least as much as one can be without having a heart – but the two of us had a sort of… agreement… worked out: I don't give him any trouble, and he'll slip me a few easier missions from time to time.<br>Call me a suck-up, but whatever it takes to get what you want, right?  
>I went to knock on the door, but I hesitated a second long enough to hear voices on the other side. "… <em>Don't you… Hey, get off! No…<em>"  
>"<em>Nope, it won't happen… Even when it… Got it memorised?<em>"  
>Wait. Why the hell was Axel in there? I heard footsteps coming for the door so I stepped far enough away that it looked like I'd just gotten there… just as Axel opened the door and saw me "arriving". He smirked. "Hey, XIV. How've you been?" he asked innocently. I made a face at him. "Don't bother asking. I never want to see another desert in this life," I retorted, trying to step past him. He shrugged a shoulder and moved so I could walk past him; I heard him mutter something about Sea-Salt Ice Cream before he was out of earshot. Who knows what he's on about?<br>"Hey Saix, here's the mission report from today. Y'know, that one I had with Xigbar in Agrabah?" I called; he wasn't sitting at his desk like I'd been expecting. Where the hell _was_ he? I'd just heard him talking to Axel, hadn't I? "Just put it on my desk, XIV." I frowned but did as he'd told me. Just as I went to leave though I heard a shuffling followed by a muffled curse, then a sigh followed by "XIV, help. I'm under the bed."  
>I'm not going to ask.<br>"Um, okay? Wait… Saix? Is this a joke?"  
>"Do you think I am the type of person to make a joke like that?"<br>"… No." He had a point, so I went back and knelt, grabbing the sheet and pushing it aside. I bit my lip to smother my laughter: the only conclusion I could come to was that Axel had tied Saix up, then shoved him under there. His golden eyes glowed angrily, the X scar threatening to expand as the Luna Diviner battled with the Berserker. "If you laugh, I will –"  
>"I know, rip my eyes out. Just hold still," I interrupted. I think the fact that he was tied up negated the whole number-ranking thing, so I was safe from an insubordination lecture for the moment. I reached out, grabbed the rope and dragged him out so I could destroy the ropes without worrying about banging my head on something. I used my power and the ropes snapped, and I shuffled back as Saix sat up and rubbed at his… bare arms? Wait, he wasn't wearing an Organisation coat… what the hell had I missed? "Saix, what the hell happened?" I blurted before I could stop myself. He regarded me with an almost-amused expression as my eyes widened. "On second thought I don't want to know," I added as I stood, backing toward the door but running into the back of the chair instead. I drew on the fact that I didn't actually have a heart to distract me with the realisation that <em>Saix was standing in front of me with no shirt or jacket and oh Kingdom Hearts he was hot<em> and instead took a deep breath. "The mission report's on your desk; I filled it all out and Xigbar is taking his to the Superior. I'll… leave you to it… I guess," I trailed off.  
>And I left calmly, not thinking about that scene ever again.<br>Liar. I actually summoned a dark corridor, bolted through it into my room, and collapsed on the floor, trying to figure out why I was so nervous if I didn't have a heart. 

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><p>"Damn stupid Heartless. Next time I see them I'm gonna rip their damn heads off and use them as doorknobs." As you can probably tell, I have little patience for the Heartless, and they'd been particularly annoying today on my mission in Atlantica. It didn't help that Xigbar had been my partner (again?) and had kept making remarks about how "hot I looked with that fish tail, dude!" One day I will ask him why he speaks like a surfer-boy when he's like, forty something.<br>But anyway. I would have to go back and change before the meeting tonight. If only I could take a book with me as well; don't get me wrong, Xemnas at least knows what he's talking about – most of the time – but he's a little repetitive sometimes. Lucky Zexion's weapon is a book: he can sit there and zone out whenever he wants, but the rest of us have to actually LOOK interested.  
>So that night found all of the Organisation in the Room Where Nothing Gathers, listening to Xemnas go on about Kingdom Hearts. I often find myself tuning out of what he's saying and instead listening to his voice…<br>Blah Kingdom Hearts this, Kingdom Hearts is important because something blah-de-blah. If we can complete Kingdom Hearts then a-blah-blah and we will blah blah blah.  
>… And on it went. I think there was a very short Q &amp; A session, but I had nothing to say on anything that was asked so I stayed silent. It wasn't until most of them had left and Xemnas cleared his throat that I noticed… well, it was only him, Saix, Vexen and myself left… awkward.<br>"XIV, we wish to test your powers further."  
>That was all Xemnas said before leaving as well. <em>Oh, of course Xemnas! I'd be happy to play guinea pig so you can all gawk at my awesome powers of destruction, in the literal sense of that phrase since I can <em>break anything I freaking want, _especially when I'm angry!_ But I didn't say any of that, because then I'd be turned into a Dusk. Instead I just sighed and portalled to my room to grab another jacket. I figured these tests would take a while.  
>What was more fun than a slumber party in Vexen's lab? <p>

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><p>Due to some weird experiment, you can't portal in or out of the labs; in other words, I was forced to walk all the way down to the basement levels of the Castle, then knock on the door and wait for half an hour looking like a twit. Occasionally I would hear some crazy laughter from inside – I knew not to question it – but apart from that it was quiet. I summoned one of my Scorpios to my side and watched as it scuttled over the walls, echoing my boredom and occasionally clacking its claws together. It stopped after a few minutes and appeared at my side, nudging my leg with its tail. "Don't do that. Last time you pricked me, and we don't want a repeat of that," I muttered. We definitely did not want that… I'd found out that the poison from my Scorpios makes me a little… unstable, to say the least. Although, it <em>had<em> kept most of the Org away from me until it wore off, which was a bonus in some cases.  
>Scorpio tapped my leg with a claw just as the door flew open and a cloud of smoke hit me in the face. "Stupid girl, why didn't you knock?" What a welcome. "And don't let that thing in here. It might be contaminated." I sighed and patted Scorpio on the head. "Go on. That nasty man said you have to leave," I cooed. Its tail drooped but it left, leaving me to step through the door and nearly cough my guts out. "What were you <em>doing<em>?" I spluttered, trying to wave the smoke from my face. I heard Vexen stomping over to a table and I sat in one of the chairs. "Nothing you'd understand," he muttered, wiping ash off a small book on the table in front of him. I wiped more ash off the bottles in front of me. "Were you trying to blow up Axel in here or something?" I replied, turning the bottles in an attempt to find a label. He didn't reply to that, so I sighed and looked around. At least nothing had been broken… I hoped. "Look. I know Xem – the Superior wants to test my powers again, but should we leave it for another time? Maybe when the place isn't covered in ash –"  
>"No, I'll clean this mess up later."<br>"Wait, aren't you worried I'll… I dunno, destroy the lab?"  
>"… You may have a point. Fine, we'll do this tomorrow, in the Hall of Empty Melodies." <p>

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><p>…And that's how my morning started: at the Hall of Empty Melodies, smashing stuff while Vexen recorded stuff in a notebook. Every so often he would summon a block of ice, but I would break it in seconds. At one point Axel threw a ball of fire at me – don't ask where he came from – but it split and passed me without hitting me; after that he left again, cursing.<br>After about half an hour I felt a sudden drop in my power and my knees buckled; I reached out and landed on my hands, jarring my arms. I glanced over and saw Vexen still writing. "Um, hello? In case you didn't notice I've stopped."  
>"I am perfectly aware of that fact, XIV," he retorted. I bit my tongue to stop from replying and pushed myself into an upright position. "Well? How'd I do?" I asked after a few minutes. He looked up, expressionless. "I'll take these to the Superior. Go get your new missions from Saix."<br>"But – I haven't even –"  
>He portalled away before I could finish with <em>I haven't even finished the ones I was given yesterday!<em>

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><p>So I headed to the Grey Area, grumbling and clenching my fists. By the time I got there I could feel my power bubbling under the surface, which wasn't helping my annoyance. Thank the lucky stars that Axel wasn't there, or things may have gotten ugly; to my relief it was only Demyx, Xaldin and Saix in the room. I slumped down into a chair opposite Demyx and he looked up, still strumming his Sitar. "So how'd the test thing go?" he asked. I shrugged. "I dunno, Vexen wouldn't say. He had to take the results to Xemnas," I replied. Demyx blinked. "Isn't that a good thing?" he asked. I shook my head. "I have no idea. It could mean anything," I said, looking out the window at the sky. Still dark, what a surprise. I'd kill to see a whole day go by with real time instead of eternal night.<br>"IX. Get off your backside and onto your mission," Saix's voice said from behind us; Demyx and I jumped. His Sitar disappeared and Demyx stood hastily. "Uh, yessir! Right away sir!" he said before portalling out of the room, followed by Xaldin.  
>"You too, XIV. The Organisation does not need slackers."<br>Um, cold much?  
>I didn't mention the bruise on his neck. I'm sure he knew it was there; besides, everyone knew about him and Xemnas. It was hard not to when you could hear them. <p>

* * *

><p>"And next time I'll rip out their intestines and use them as nooses. <em>Then<em> I'll –"  
>"Hey Calyxea. Bad day?" Axel's voice said from behind me. I whirled around, watching as he leaned against the wall nonchalantly, a grin covering his face. "Yes Axel. The Heartless are an eternal pain in my ass, as per usual. How was your clearly spiffy day?" I snapped. He laughed. "I had a mission in Twilight Town. Got it –"<br>"Finish that sentence and I'll carve my initials on your tongue. With my knife, you dirty-minded bastard," I interrupted. He smirked, brushing past me with those crazy woman-hips. "Whatever you say, Lyxie. Whatever you say," he replied before disappearing.  
>"Don't call me Lyxie, Flamer!"<br>Next time I see him, I'll rip his face off. 

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><p>Nothing is weirder than waking up in the middle of the night and hearing someone laughing outside your window. Seriously, I don't recommend it.<br>So I awoke to the sound of laughter – which in itself was strange – and my immediate thought was _who the hell is in my room do they _want_ their eyes ripped out?_ I sat up and looked around, but nothing was out of the ordinary. My room was the same as always: everything was stark white, except for the splash of deep blue in my wardrobe – the dress I'd been found in almost a year ago, which was torn and covered in dirt and blood. I felt a strange compulsion to keep it, as it reminded me of my past as a Somebody… but I won't go into that.  
>Anyway: crazy laughing outside. I threw my covers off and shuffled over to the window, dragging my fingers through the mess that was my hair. I looked outside but could see nothing… weird. Kingdom Hearts didn't look any different, so at least Xemnas wasn't going on one of his nightly strolls. I slowly opened the window and leaned out a little, the slight breeze ruffling my hair and sending goosebumps over my skin. Try as I might, I couldn't find a reason for the laughing. I sighed in annoyance… I wouldn't be getting back to sleep anytime soon, and I had no idea what the time actually was. Maybe the new kid had gone on a bender or something? "Argh, damn it all to hell," I muttered, kicking the wall. Well, usually when my sleep is interrupted like this – that's right, this isn't the first time something like this has happened – I walk around the corridors. I tossed one of my Organisation jackets over my singlet and shorts and eased open my door.<br>Why would I walk around in my pyjamas?  
>Because I'm awesome like that. <p>

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><p>What's the first thing I do on my little outing? Run into someone, of course. Both of us ended up sprawled on the ground, which was awkward enough, save for the fact that I'd landed on stupid Axel! "Much as I might be enjoying this, can you get off me?" he said, not sounding at all annoyed. I grumbled and stood, not bothering to help him up. "Hey, did you hear the laughing earlier?" I asked as he brushed imaginary dust from his arms. He shook his head, nearly impaling my face with a spike of hair. "Nope. Must be in your head," he replied, looking around nervously. My eyes narrowed. "Why do you look so twitchy?" I asked, folding my arms. He bit his lip. "I may or may not have swapped Marluxia's shampoo for orange hair dye," he whispered, jumping as we heard a door slam. My jaw dropped. "Are you <em>suicidal?<em>" I hissed, glancing around and imagining a scythe coming for us out of the shadows.  
>Axel's eyes widened. "Uh, Calyxea… behind you!" he squeaked. I whirled around and came face to face with… the point of a scythe… uh oh. "Who. Did it?" Marluxia said slowly, eyes switching between me and Axel. If my face wasn't being threatened by a blade right now I would've burst out laughing… I mean, his hair was a brilliant shade of orange!<br>I looked at Axel. Axel pointed at me. I raised my eyebrows.  
>"Excuse me? Don't you <em>dare<em> try to pin this on me, Flamer!" I growled, knives appearing in my hands.  
>"But – but! I'm too young to die! Got it –"<br>"Shut up Axel. I'll give you a head start," Marluxia warned.  
>Axel's eyes passed between us: me looking still half-asleep and angry, Marluxia with his now-orange hair, scythe at the ready. Both of us ready to stab him. "Eep!"<br>I never did find out who was laughing. 

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><p>As anyone can guess, I was exhausted the next morning. I did get a few hours of sleep, but was woken by the sound of someone trying to beat my door down. "Gimme a sec," I called, pushing the covers off myself and standing, stretching my arms above my head and brushing my hair out of my face. I trudged over to the door and yawned widely as I opened it. "Wha's wrong?" I mumbled, still half-asleep.<br>"Axel tells me you tried to cut his hair."  
>Shit. Stupid tattle-tale Axel. <p>

* * *

><p>"And for that, I'm giving you extra missions."<br>"Yes, Superior." _Screw you I'm not doing more missions I'll stab something I swear it. I hate being so low-ranking in the Organisation. I can't get anything done when everyone's telling me what to do… stupid idiots. I'll just have to make sure Axel can't tell anyone next time…_  
>"XIV, you're not listening."<br>Shit. "Uh, of course I am."  
>"Then what did I just say?"<br>… I am so dead. "Uh… That we need to complete Kingdom Hearts as soon as possible, and only by striving for the best can we hope to achieve that?"  
>I was grasping at straws, but for once I was right… sort of.<br>"And you all need to play nice. I'm getting sick of dealing with all your petty spats."  
><em>I thought you said we didn't have emotions. Hypocrite.<em> "Sorry. I lost control of my temper. It won't happen again." _Anytime soon._  
>"Make sure of it." What a dismissal. <p>

* * *

><p>As I was filling out my mission report that night I heard the laughter again. I groaned and stood, marching over to the window and flinging the glass open. "Shut that goddamn laughing up! I'm trying to work in here!"<br>Satisfied that I'd gotten my point across when it stopped I shut the window and returned to my bed, getting myself comfortable again; leaning against the wall, papers on the thick book balanced on my lap was a common way to find me after a mission. I remembered sitting like this back when I had a heart, but things had changed since then; foremost was the fact that I was a Nobody now, and back then I'd simply been writing for the sake of it… now, not so much, although I wasn't averse to the fact that all the reports had to be handwritten. The familiar action gave me a sense of calm, not something easy to attain when you lived in the same castle as Axel or Xigbar.

_Name: Calyxea, The Gloomy Destroyer, Number XIV_

_Mission: Reduce the Heartless population in the Land of Dragons. _

_Mission Completed. No out of place incidents to report. I went unobserved. _

_The Heartless population has been reduced to slightly below average in case of further outbreaks in the future, though they were lying low when I left. No trouble should be heard from the Land of Dragons for a few weeks at least. _

_Oddities with power: None. I kept a handle on my temper this time but felt an increase as I killed more Heartless. _

_Items collected on mission: _

_3 x Potions_

_1 x Ether_

_2 x Moonstone_

_2 x Combo Tech_

_1 x Shining Shard_

_1324 munny_

God I was tired. I yawned and lifted the book from my legs, dropping it onto the bed. I stood and stretched, happy that it was quiet again. I grabbed my pen and book and opened the drawer next to my bed, placing them neatly inside next to the journal and spare pens. The mission report I dropped on top of the book; I'd give that to Xemnas tomorrow.  
>On a last thought I grabbed out the journal and the pen again and sat on the floor, leaning against my bed. I flicked to the next spare page and quickly wrote:<p>

_No more incidents with my power. It got stronger again today when I killed all those Heartless. It seems to feed off the destruction, and that with my anger makes me dangerous when I'm not careful. I kept the Scorpios away from me when I was fighting as they sometimes prick me and make me crazy with the poison and we don't need a repeat of what happened last time when I threw Axel out the window. I don't want kitchen duty again._

_Marluxia forgave me for the other night; he realised I hadn't known what was going on and said sorry for nearly killing me. Gee thanks. _

_But god his hair looks funny. He somehow managed to convince Vexen to make something to fix it but a couple of the others are still paying him out for it. It seems Luxord was taking bets on how long he'd keep the colour, and Lexaeus won. _

_I get aches in my chest sometimes where my heart used to be. I can force an emotionless state upon myself when I want, but I get echoes of feelings… like the other night with Saix. I don't know where that came from. All I did was help after Axel tied him up and something… but that was the first time I'd ever seen him in something other than the Organisation jacket. _

_I'm never going to go into his room again. If I have to I'll wear a blindfold so I don't see anything that could put me in a compromising situation. _

_Everyone knows he's Xemnas's bitch._

And with that I finished writing and prepared for bed. I slept uninterrupted for the first night in what had to be weeks.

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><p>AN: Okay, that's all for now. As I said up the top, reviews are very appreciated, us is constructive criticism. Don't know what that is? Look it up.

- Water-Foxx


End file.
